Nameless Dame: Murder on the Russian River

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Broke, depressed, and clearly in need of some sort of vacation, I gave in, bought a cheap airline ticket to San Francisco, and signed up to bunk with Sabbatini and family for a couple of weeks. At an outdoor table, I roared through a Double-Double so quickly that I had to order another, along with a pouch of fries. I told myself that this was a strategic move—I was heading out to the wilds of West County. Who knew when I'd find my next meal?

The haiku had become a recent habit. After years of listening to Sabbatini spout poetry, I'd gotten with the program and had begun memorizing poems. Casting around for some new stuff to memorize after Sabbatini left town, I discovered the haiku, an ideal form for the lazy man. I read a couple of collections of them, and pretty soon I was writing them.


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The little poems issued from me as reflexively as small farts. It became an instant way of digesting my experiences. Always looking to make things easier, I decided to forgo the syllable count. As the rest of the world twittered, I tweeted myself with haiku. I made it without trouble up the gracious, redwood-lined road from Highway to Cazadero, but that's when things got crazy. Sabbatini had sent me a hand-drawn cardboard map highlighting the unmarked dirt roads beyond Cazadero that led to his cabin.

Big red arrows showed all the turns—right, left, left, right—and I thought I was pretty much on it. But once I turned off onto the first dirt road, indicated by a dotted line on the map, I lost myself in a spiraling maze that led nowhere. I didn't see the red traffic cones Sabbatini said he'd set out to mark their road. I didn't see the base of the steep hill, marked by two good-size madrones.

And I sure as hell didn't see a cabin painted the color of Dijon mustard. I cursed myself for not picking up a GPS device when I'd rented the car. My cell phone had no service out in the wilds, and I couldn't even find my way back to town. After a good hour of going in circles, without another car in sight, I pulled over and got out. It was four in the afternoon, and I had half a tank of gas left.

Time to regroup. The web of roads might have been my life in the last few years—a labyrinthine gloom that I'd been unable to shake since my wife left me. Every time I thought I'd steered myself clear, I'd slip back into the muck. All rights reserved.

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BART SCHNEIDER, Author of NAMELESS DAME: Murder on the Russian River

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